For the part of this trip when we weren’t supposed to be doing much, we sure did a lot. We spent a full week in Iowa, and I do mean a full week. Honestly, at this point I can’t even remember what happened when—so rather than trying to sum it all up chronologically (in what would certainly require a six disc box set collectors’ edition) here’s a convenient “Greatest Hits” album with the B-sides and filler tracks omitted.

Ready to rock? Then let’s press “play.”

Track 1: The Fair

Any “Best of” album worth its name needs to start with an undisputed, top-of-the-charts hit. And when it comes to August in the heartland, that means the Iowa State Fair, baby. Live animals, thrilling rides, fried food, oversized beers, even more oversized people—the Fair has it all.

We made two trips to the fairgrounds while in Des Moines, and now I’m worried about exceeding the gross weight capacity of our truck and trailer. My personal calorie tally goes like this: large super-chilled 27-degree beer, Bauder’s peppermint ice cream fudge bar, sausage grinder, two giant State Fair Ales, flash-frozen “Nitro” ice cream, several chocolate chip cookies, cheese curds, and an entire roll of Tums. (I know: a pretty weak showing. At almost 50 years old, I think I’m losing my edge.)

We also saw the draft horse competition, quilting exhibit, champion hog and bull, sheep shearing, reptile house, giant yellow slide, chairlift ride, and of course the famous Butter Cow ™. Not a bad cross-section of what the Fair is all about. Thank God we have 12 months to recover before the next one!

Track 2: The Big Pan

The second track on a greatest hits album needs to build on what came right before it. So let’s jump out of the Fair and into the frying pan—in this case, one bigger than the spare tire on our camper.

We had a blast visiting Aunt Susan and Uncle Stretch in Charles City (“Chucktown,” to all you heartland hipsters), especially Sunday brunch at the beautiful farm of their friends Jon and Ann. Using a skillet that literally required a small army of men to stir the potatoes and eggs, the breakfast club cooked up a feast fit for, well, a large army, and we were delighted to enlist. Honestly, that much food was the last thing I needed after the Fair, but I managed to find the stomach space somehow.

Track 3: Do You Raku? We Do!

Maureen’s Uncle Stretch is a former art teacher and current artist who does a lot of cool work in raku, most commonly used in pot-making but which allows a wide range of “expressions in ceramic,” as some gallery catalog somewhere almost certainly puts it. While in Charles City, we got to help fire some tiles from a piece Stretch was working on, and it was a blast (as in “blast furnace”) to see how the 1800 degree heat in his driveway kiln transformed the dull, glazed clay into something beautiful.

Best of all, I didn’t set anything on fire (the lawn, the garage, the neighbor’s cat) that wasn’t supposed to be!

Track 4: Aunt Teresa’s Peppers

OK, it’s time to take things downtempo a bit. After the artery-clogging “Fair fare,” the eighth wonder of the world that was the big pan, and the driveway inferno of raku-making, let’s sing a sweet ballad about thin-skinned Italian peppers.

Aunt Teresa’s peppers have been immortalized in the Decorah Seed Savers Vault. This is great for future generations, but I can’t help view each locked-away seed as a lost opportunity for me to eat a delicious fried pepper. That said, I did get to enjoy plenty of peppers on this trip, as Jim had just picked a big batch from his garden, and Susan had some bright red ones growing in her yard, too. Best of all, I got to watch the pepper matriarch hherself, 92-year-old Aunt Teresa, say “good morning” to her crop of red and green beauties next to her porch (she maintains that a warm daily greeting is key to growing great peppers, and who am I to argue?)

Track 5: Eclipse Glasses on a Cloudy Day

Every greatest hits collection has at least one disappointing track that doesn’t quite measure up to everything else. For our trip to Iowa, that was the great eclipse of August 2017.

The day started strong, with a bike tour of sculptures along the banks of the Cedar River in Charles City. The art was interesting, the trail was flat (because: Iowa), and most importantly I looked very sporty on Aunt Susan’s bright pink 3-speed cruiser. We even scouted out a good spot to watch the moon devour the sun later that afternoon.

Things went downhill from there (which would have been fun on the bike ride but was kind of a bummer for eclipse-watching). Clouds had been hanging around all morning, and thickened to a gray curtain just in time for the big solar show. We did manage to catch a few fleeting glimpses of the crescent sun through our ISO-certified protective eyeware, but that was it.

Track 6: All Together Now (ensemble)

Time to finish strong and close out this album with the biggest hit of our Iowa trip: all of the family and friends—new and old—we only get to see on rare occasions like this. I don’t know if the cliche is true that everyone in the Midwest is unfailingly nice, but this group certainly is incredible.

First and foremost are our hosts—Maureen’s dad Jim in Des Moines and Aunt Pat at the farm in Waukee, then Aunt Susan and Uncle Stretch in Charles City. Thank you for housing us, feeding us, entertaining us, and generally putting up with us. (Zora barks her full agreement at this!)

Then there are the “usual suspects” we always look forward to reconnecting with when we come to this part of the country: Patrick, who Zora loves more than anyone on earth; Uncle Phil, who makes a damn fine bratwurst burger; Maggie, who we can’t wait to see in Santa Fe next month; Andy and Christine and Ellie, who treated us to a (very) happy hour at Eatery A; Jim and Gail Brick (happy birthday, Gail!), who better start planning their next ski trip to New Mexico; Judi, who is just as elegant dancing on the Bill O’Reilly stage at the Fair as she is strolling the boulevards of Paris; and Kevin, Laura, and the always awesome (and also alliterative) Ava, who made Friday at the fair extra fun and extra filling.

Finally, there are the surprise visitors we didn’t expect to see in Iowa, like Nikki Tygard and Jo Butler, and new friends we made on this trip like Diny and Jan and Nancy in Des Moines and Dan and Sarah and Jon and Ann and Marilyn and Joe and Margo and Andrea and everyone else in Charles City.

All of you are what makes Iowa truly home for Maureen, and makes it feel like home for me (and Zora). As we crossed the border into South Dakota last night, we were excited about starting the next phase of our adventure, but sad to be leaving Iowa and all the wonderful people we saw there last week in our rear-view mirror.